Some people think they're masters at reading body language. They insist, "I can always spot a liar." But it's not that easy.
There are many reasons why someone might look away from you when making a confession or sweat profusely when interrogated. It's unwise to assume darting eyes or nervous tics indicate lying.
Effective leaders observe others — and notice anomalies between what they say and what they do. It's these mismatches that prove revealing.
"You cannot detect deception through nonverbal communication," said Abbie Marono, a behavioral scientist in Orlando, Fla. "You want to (focus) on both verbal and nonverbal communication" and draw conclusions from how they interrelate.
Yet keen observers gain insight by noticing details that others miss. The ability to read body language — and manage your own — helps build rapport and trust.
To use truth-seeking techniques to sharpen your communication skills, start by stoking your curiosity. What clues can help you assess to what extent someone is leveling with you or leading you astray?
Watch The Hands To Spot A Liar
Keep your eyes on a person's hands. If you notice that the speaker is repeatedly rubbing their neck or playing with their hair, it may indicate anxiety.
"Look for the other person's self-touch, which is driven by a nervous system response," said Marono, director of education at Social-Engineer LLC, an information security training and consulting firm. "When we rub our hands, touch our lips, pull on our hair or scratch our arm, it physically calms the body when we're anxious."
Spot A Liar And Track Body Boundaries
We have an innate sense of personal space when we interact with others face-to-face. When someone takes up too much space — or too little — that's worth noting.
"When we're distressed, we try to disappear or close ourselves off in multiple areas," Marono said. "We're taking up as little space as possible" by bringing our limbs closer to the body or tucking our knees together.
By contrast, a confident speaker spreads out "and is very fluid in their space," she adds.
Look Past First Impressions
Without realizing it, we might form an instant judgment about someone's truth-telling — or lying. From there, we look to confirm our initial impression.
"We have this internal voice saying this original belief like 'Don't trust him' or 'I like her'," said Lena Sisco, founder and chief executive of the Congruency Group, a consulting firm in Tampa Bay, Fla. "We make (faulty) assumptions and judgments" based on that inner voice.
Sisco says the solution is to "get outside our head" so that we look and listen to others with heightened awareness, free from "thought distortions" that can mislead us.
Beware Of Clashing Signals
For Sisco, a former U.S. Naval intelligence officer, a key to uncovering possible liars is noticing behavioral incongruence. For example, speakers who want to sound definitive may simultaneously shrug their shoulders (which shows doubt).
"It's when body language doesn't match spoken language," said Sisco, author of "Honest Answers." "It can mean the person doesn't trust what they're saying."
Prolong Your Focus
Observe a speaker's facial expressions not just when they're talking but after they stop. That's when they may reveal their true intent. "Right after someone lies, I look for a kind of half-smile, a smirk," Sisco said. "It's a look of contempt, like they feel morally superior to you because they just got away with something."
If you suspect they just lied, don't say, "I sense there's something you haven't told me." That will make them defensive. Instead, Sisco suggests saying in a non-accusatory tone, "It appears to me you have more information you want to share."
